Lima Al-Azzeh

A Change of Heart

In Cultural Anomalies on June 23, 2010 at 12:26 am

I was reading a blog post on Inside Vancouver about “Featured Vancouverite” Trevor Risk and it got me thinking about a few things. Although the interview was short, there was a particular part that resonated with me. I’m sure any other day I would have chalked it up to just another adorable interview, but today it hit home.

Towards the end of the interview, Risk remarks, “Oh, and the girls here are prettier than anywhere else in the world. Treat them right please. They deserve at least a ribbon of chivalry now and then.” I won’t take the compliment personally, but I’ll extend a thank you to Risk for the shout-out to Vancouver girls.

I have to say though, recent events in my life have caused me to have a change of heart about Vancouver boys.

For a long time, my dating life in Vancouver consisted of seeing flaky db’s who could barely commit to as simple an outing as having an afternoon coffee. Or else, I’d date the runners – those boys who would think I’m the universe for a few weeks before they’d realize they’re still in love with an ex or are just completely unwilling to try anymore and quit me like a ton of bricks. I don’t harbour any resentments, but it seriously didn’t help my impression of the dating scene in Vancouver. Add the fact that I read somewhere that the ratio of women to men is 7 to 1 and I started to think I might as well collect my cats now in preparation for spinsterhood. A realization made all the more depressing by the fact that I’m completely allergic to cats.

As I mentioned before, a recent unfolding of events has caused me to have a slight change of heart. And before you start getting the wrong impression let me clarify that this is not a “I found the greatest boyfriend in the world so now I’m happy ” post. I’m still single, still looking, but I’m also feeling slightly less hopeless.

I had the fortune of meeting someone who remained honest and trustworthy until the bitter(sweet) end. The details hardly matter – sufficed to say that we dated briefly, then decided to forgo that in favour of being platonic friends which later lead to us having different views on what we were, what we could have been or should try to be, and just how close a connection we should maintain. In the end, I made the (extremely) difficult choice to protect my heart, suffer some sadness, and then pick myself up and move along. Live and let live, as I always say.

What surprised me was the complete and utter respect with which it all went down. I know, it’s terribly unfortunate to be surprised by a show of respect from a man, but let that be the marker of how deplorable my dating life has been thus far.

Cruelty and anger are an easy, some even say the best, way to handle a separation, because it fuels you to don your best “eff you” attitude and forge on. In this particular case, I’m glad that I have no anger, nor have I been inspired to say “eff you” to anybody. I won’t forget that I was spared some dignity, civility, and, as Risk says, some chivalry when someone could have just as easily ripped me apart and told me to quit my griping.

So things didn’t work out the way I had hoped and for this I am sad. But I know that when the upset ebbs, I’ll remember this situation fondly and appreciate the utter show of understanding and kindness afforded me.

Allow me a moment of complete cheesiness here, to offer a line from my favourite Sex & the City episode where Carrie says, “We just want an ending to a relationship [friendship, what have you] that is thoughtful and decent and honours what we had together.”

So Vancouver ladies, when you meet someone amidst all the flaky dbs in this city who is willing to swallow their pride enough to show you some decency, whether or not they give in to what you want, you’ve got to give them a “ribbon of chivalry” too.

I may be back to square one now, but I am surprisingly not jaded, and even more surprisingly, I’m slightly more hopeful. I guess in the end, that’s all I can really, actually hope for. I’m more than happy to live with that.

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  1. […] People will often surprise you, defy your expectations and even teach you something about yourself, especially in relation to others. Avoiding turning […]

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